Demon Feet

These shoes, these shoes right here? They have killed my pirouette dreams. Crushed them under their delicate appearing facade.


Grishko 2007 shoes - you are evil wrapped in pink satin.

Oh yes, they fit my feet to perfection, of that there is no doubt. The box is hard enough to support my feet and actually, on reflection, they do look quite nice on. However, that tiny little inconsequential platform is the crusher of dreams, the stealer of pirouettes.

On Monday, my second class with them, I simply could not complete a single turn and I couldn't /wouldn't attempt it to the left at all. There are many things in class I know I will perform badly, but I will always try. Back in ye olde days of 4 years ago when I began dancing, I would have fits of foot stomping temper and tearful tantrums at being unable to do the most basic of things, but I've matured since then. I accept that this is the process of ballet and you must enjoy your failures as much as your victories, as hard as that is. I no longer have those embrassing angry outbursts. I laugh when I fall and whilst I may feel deeply deflated inside, I pick myself up and carry on with a (fake) smile. Ballet is nothing if not character building. But these shoes, these damn tiny platformed demons, are threatening to make me regress into that foot stomping fool.

The thing most beginner pointe dancers do is fail to straighten their knees when they releve or perform any position that requires you to step onto pointe. It's a combination of fear and inflexible feet that often causes it. I'm normally quite good at keeping my knees relatively straight. I struggled with that because I have hyperextended knees, so straight for me is actually bend backwards however, despite this, I have learned to properly straighten my legs, which feels like bend knees to me, but these shoes have created within me so much fear I find myself not straightening my knees any more and, instead, stepping or rising onto a weak, bent knee. Even though the shoes support my feet well, because the platform is so little I find myself going too far over the box or just falling off the side. It ain't pretty.

I now can't tell if that means that even though the shoes fit well and support me, they are still the wrong shoes for me, or if I should just suck it up and persevere with them. I just don't know any more. But now I'm basically pinning all my hopes onto the Grishko Miracles in the narrowest width I'm currently waiting arriving from Russia.

If there is a Patron Saint of Ballet, please let her be looking upon me! Queen Marie, this is your jam - have a word will you?