The Only Truth Is Chaos

It’s not an understatement to say we are all totally fed up of this pandemic. Those of us still in strict lockdown are at our wits end. Other than Prince B, I haven’t spent any time with another soul for months. With one exception - getting to shoot photos with my friend Enya for her portfolio. You’ve seen two results from that shoot but this is the final one. We did all of these images in 2 hours! The last was a quick ballet shoot. We only took a couple of shots but I’m glad we did as I have only danced 3 times since March.

I miss ballet beyond words. It’s one of my things that keep me sane. I enjoy having the house to myself during the day but there are times it gets extremely lonely. I had ballet and client meetings to get out and see other people. Now I have none of those things. I haven’t seen Queen Marie in months either. So getting to do this photoshoot with my chum Enya was a godsend. I can’t wait to do another when this lockdown shit is done.

I created an Instagram Story with the images called Chaos & Discord because it reflects the experience of the adult dancer - the battle with your body, your self-confidence, your willpower - it can be chaotic and messy. We make our bodies do things that we’re not ‘supposed’ to be doing at an older age. We make ourselves take classes that test our self confidence to the absolute max. We show up every week after endless failures, hoping that this will be the week we nail those turns, that grand jete, those plies in second. It can be a mess of frustration, anger and pain. Much like lockdown and our current collective experience.

CHAOS & DISCORD

Normally I don’t like being photographed doing ballet as I feel too self conscious - are my feet looking OK, are my wobbly bits showing, am I in a convincing ballet pose - so I never do ballet photoshoots, but in truth I am in much better shape now having lost 15lbs and I feel far more like myself, so didn’t mind doing these shots. And getting to do the tiniest bit of ballet was a small light in a seemingly endless dark tunnel.